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It takes a village. Doesn't it? - Outside The Box

It takes a village. Doesn’t it?

  • 3rd May 2012

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In my daily readings of various blogs, social media posts, “news” (I use the term loosely) articles, etc.  I have noticed a disturbing trend lately.  Mom bashing.  Perhaps it was always there and I just neglected to see it because I wasn’t a mother.  In any case, it is there and it seems to be escalating.

There have been a few stories that have hit the press lately regarding celebrity moms.  January Jones apparently had her daughter’s placenta made into capsules to eat.  Alicia Silverstone released a video of herself prechewing her baby’s food and then feeding it to her from her mouth. Both of these stories sensationalized and met with disgust by the media and public.  Jessica Simpson has been the subject of ridicule because she (gasp!) is the size of a pregnant woman – oh wait she IS pregnant (or rather was, I believe she had a baby girl yesterday).

These are just a few examples.  We hear a lot about celebrity mom’s because, well they are celebrities, but mom bashing is not exclusive to the rich and/or famous.  Want to test it out?  Make a post somewhere, anywhere, about co-sleeping.  Nothing brings out the trash talk quicker or fiercer than the subject of sharing a bed.  I was stunned the first time I saw this.  The insults and accusations I’ve seen hurled at co-sleeping mom’s is shocking.  Of course breastfeeding always stirs up reactions too.  If you breast feed in public you are a heathen, but if you don’t breast feed at all you are a selfish, unfit mother.

Why do we do this to each other?  I have always known that nobody is harder on women than other women but I, naively, assumed that mothers would be a little more supportive of one another.  Mothering is not a competition.  This is the one area that we should be hanging up the gloves and not be concerned about outdoing someone else.  Being a parent is hard work.  It can be mentally, emotionally and physically exhausting.  If there is anytime we need support in our lives it is now.

I don’t care if you lost all your pregnancy weight in 2 days, your baby slept through the night at 2 weeks and walked at 9 nine months or you bottle feed, co-sleep and are still sporting some of those baby pounds.  If you need support I am there for you. I might not agree with every decision you make but I will respect every decision you make.  As long as you are raising your children in a healthy home I will not criticize or belittle you for the choices you make for you and your family. What works for one may not work for the other. This is the kind of person I want to be, it is the kind of parent I want to be and it is how I want to raise my daughter.

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This article has 10 comments

  1. It's definitely about respect. I have to say that mothers, in general, are not more supportive of each other just because we're moms. The disagreements actually intensifies, such as with the whole formula vs breastfeeding never-ending debates.I just choose to surround myself with other respectful moms and none of us have to prove anything to anyone else.–I'm from MBC and saw your post there. Let's stay in touch!—–PhotoMom

  2. Do you think this is a new trend or has it always been this way? I know that women tend to be competitive with each other but has our "modern" lifestyle effected that? There are so many demands on us these days and so many expectations as well. Perhaps that is a factor…

    • I think it's always been this way, but yes I think our modernization, extra roles we have to take on, and the internet has intensified things for many reasons. It's hard though because there is so much out there online. So many women who seem to have it all. It's really best to log off the internet and regroup.I came across a wonderful blog article about how Pinterest makes some mothers feels inadequate. I need to find it and share it.——–PhotoMomMy Bella Pearl Gifts

    • It's an awesome blog post!! And very touching. Enjoy.Blog

  3. I'd love to see the article. Places like pintrest can make anyone feel inadequate. We should be in our fabously designed kitchens making picture perfect cakes while our perfectly well behaved children engage in some wonderful craft we have put together for them…and of course we should be rocking a totally fit body while partaking in all this fabouslness….

  4. Sorry about the horrid spelling in that reply, that will teach me to reply from an iPhone while my 2 year old sits on my lap eating oatmeal.

  5. I think it's less about respect and more about SERIOUS insecurity. We're all insecure about the choices we make, unsure that we've made the right one, even though we endlessly research them and come to "our own perfect solution". When other people don't agree, we're insulted and lash out. I read a good quote recently… "there is no way to be a perfect mom, but a thousand ways to be a good one"

    • kind of… I think we have tried so hard to do it "right" that it just doesn't even compute that OUR "right" isn't everyone's "right". I don't think people do it to be mean… it just doesn't make sense to us that every child, every parent and every relationship is so different. For example, I personally have never co-slept and am raring to wean my 1-year-old. I don't get why people would co-sleep, or nurse a 4-year-old… but really, I shouldn't even care. I personally would never tell someone they're doing it "wrong", even though to me (on some issues) it might feel that way, but I think some people are SO convinced that they are doing it "right" that they just have to tell EVERYONE how right THEY are.Did that make any sense at all?

  6. That's a really good point. I think, in a nut shell, you are talking about bullying?

  7. Thanks for sharing! I agree, it's a really good read.

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