Today Was Hard. Today Was Great. {Parenting}

Today Was Hard. Today Was Great. {Parenting}

Saturday

Today was a difficult day. Very difficult. We had wonderful plans. We were going to have a great day. A family day. A day filled with fun and giggles. There would be treats and hugs and lots of pictures to capture those precious memories.

Instead we had a day full of tears and frustrations. It was like riding a roller coaster but one that just keep speeding down hill faster and faster. There was no fun, no giggles or treats, no happy family pictures.

I feel the tears fighting to fall as I write this. I felt so much like I failed you today.  You are three.   And despite being ridiculously bright and articulate you don’t yet have a way of communicating everything to us. You have fears.  Fears that hold you back.  That fill you with anxiety. But you don’t quite understand how to let us know or even that you CAN let us know.  You try.  Oh how I know you try.  You put on a brave face and try to get past them but you just can’t. You hide them behind little quirks that soon turn into obsessions. Obsessions that disable you.  That prevent you from just being.  Someone so young, so full of life and love should not have to feel that way.

This is the kind of day that makes me question my ability as a parent.  That makes me wonder were and how I went so wrong. Am I failing you?  Am I holding you back and limiting your potential? Will you look back one day and wonder why I didn’t do better?

Today was a difficult day.

Sunday

Today was a great day. A really great day. We made no plans, had no expectations. We just went where the day, and you, took us. Today was full of fun and giggles.  There were so many hugs and amazing pictures capturing these moments to reflect back upon.

Today you lived for the moment. Running through the sprinkler, eating hot dogs, taking delight in feeding the baby geese at the lake.  You smiled big.  You stood at the door while I was cutting the lawn, yelling over the roar of the lawn mower “Mommy!  I love you!”.  You spontaneously stopped and kissed my hand that you were holding as we walked through the park. You filled my heart so full today that I thought it might burst.

Today nothing held you back.  You were completely fearless.  You danced and sang and showered us with affection. Today I felt like I was doing something right. Like I was maybe not so horrible at this parenting thing. I felt that maybe, just maybe, I was getting you off on the right foot.

Today was a great day.

 

 

This article has 14 comments

  1. Amen to this. 🙂 I can so relate!

    • Thank you Mel. Sometimes knowing we are not alone in this crazy journey, that its not just me or not just my kid, is what we need to hear.

  2. To the little person who is just three: your Mom's heart is wrapped around you, and if you are scared, you can still be safe because she has your back. It is ok to cry, it is ok to scream, and it is ok to be so caught up in your worries that you focus on small and sometimes odd things. Good days are gifts, and she loves you for them. But she loves you even harder and stronger on the bad days. Give her a hug because this was a great weekend for you both.
    My recent post Help! I have the client from hell!

  3. Love the rollercoaster ride of this post – such an exactly perfect description of the glamourous life of a toddler parent…or maybe just a parent in general, I dunno yet as my kids are still young. Thanks for reminding me that with the bad comes enough good to balance it all out.
    My recent post THE PEDOMETER CHALLENGE

    • Yes just when you think you've taken all you can the sun comes out and blesses you with that you need to move forward.

  4. I am glad Sunday was better! The parenting gig is tough… but tomorrow's another day (hopefully another great day)!
    My recent post Dear Wacko – Get LOST!

    • The good, the bad and the ugly. It's all part of the gig isn't it? Nothing is more heart wrenching, good and bad, than being a parent.

  5. This is so familiar to me. I am sure most parents can relate. I loved it. Well written.

  6. Journeysof TheZoo
    Monday 24 June 2013, 9:40 pm

    Sorry to hear that things didn't go the way everyone wished they would. But so happy that the good days are out weighing the bad days.

    Life is difficult at any age but being so young makes it extra tough. As a parent myself, I hurt as much as my kids do. It sucks that sometimes a hug is all I can give.

    Thing #456 that they didn't tell me that came along with being a Mother. Thinking of you guys.

    Besos, Sarah
    Blogger at Journeys of The Zoo
    My recent post Toilet Training Made Easier with Pants from Baby Bug Shop {Etsy}

  7. Hi! You've just described parenting so beautifully! Sometimes, I feel like wailing too, but soon enough, everything is okay again.

  8. Oh, My Shayna. I had so many of those days when my boys were younger. I still have them now, truth be told, but we're all better at communicating & sharing our feelings. Hugs to you & the 3 foot wonder that rules your life. xo
    My recent post Three lessons little boys learn from their moms

  9. Oh honey! This is my life with anxiety (one child) and disability – FASD and SPD _for the other child. Hugs! My youngest who has no anxiety DX asked me the other day if she thought she also had anxiety sometimes. I absolutely do – everyone has anxiety. Sometimes we can manage it and sometimes it is crippling and that's really hard especially when you see your child struggling.

  10. Wow, this is so beautiful. So very touching. And it captures parenting so accurately. One day things seem to fall apart and the next day is completely different, wonderful different.

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