Fears of an Older Mother

Fears of an Older Mother

I became a new mother at the age of 38.  Becoming a first time parent at an older age has its benefits and its drawbacks. All in all it’s pretty good.  But it’s when I start to do the math that things get a little scary for me.

By the time my daughter graduates high school I will be 57 years old. Ok, that’s not so bad. I won’t be the youngest mother of her peers but judging by currents trends really won’t be that far off. We aren’t the only parents who waited a little longer to start our family.

But what about the milestones beyond that?  How old will she be when (and of course if) she gets married and decides to have children of her own? Will I still be around and healthy enough to be there for her? These things frighten me.

My mother has not been around for a lot of big things in my life (by choice) and I know how hard that is. My daughter is now three and likes to imagine about things like getting married and being a mommy.  She talks about it, she asks questions, she dreams. And of course I dream too.  I dream about all of the things she will do her in life.  Maybe she will get married, maybe she won’t.  Maybe she will be a mother, maybe she won’t.  Wherever her dreams end up taking her I want to be there, to share them with her.  To help pick her up when she needs it.  To celebrate her accomplishments.  To see all of the things, good and bad, that this amazing little girl will do and become. Her potential has no bounds.

There are so many unknowns, but there is one thing I know for sure – she will always be my little girl and she will always need her mommy, even the times she won’t admit it.

 

 

This article has 9 comments

  1. You know… I lost my dad when I was 25… he was 50. My husband's mom, on the other hand, is still here enjoying her grandkids, and she had him when she was almost 41. There are no guarantees in life, no matter how old you are when you start your family. You just do the best you can with the time you're given.

    • Jessica I didn't realize you lost your dad at such a young age. I also didn't know that your husband's mother had him at an older age as well. I know you're right. There are no guarantees……

      BTW looking forward to seeing your blog…hint, hint.

  2. I too was an older Mother (37) but it's not age that worries me.

    I'm jealous that you can look forward to the possibility of marriage and grandkids. I can't make it past today and the fear of getting hit by a bus tomorrow. At three, my kids need me.

    Besos, Sarah
    Blogger at Journeys of The Zoo
    My recent post Think You Know Your Art? Can you Spot The Fake? {Humor}

  3. I was the last of five children. My dad was decidedly old, in addition to dying early (63 years old) while I was still in high school.

    To say it was hard would be a dramatic understatement, but it taught me more about life than old age: We are all frail, at 63 years old or 17.

    In a world that is both beautiful and challenging, your daughter is lucky to have someone who loves her enough to worry, be contemplative, and then struggle to put it in writing.

    Thanks for the good read.

  4. I think that no matter what age you have children, all mothers have these kinds of fears. I was a young mother, having my first at 19, though I am terrified I will follow in my father's side of the family and pass at an early age. They have all passed in their early 40's of some form of cancer or another, my father being the youngest at 42. I was diagnosed with ulcerative colitis at age 28 and was told the longer I have it, the more likely it could turn into colon cancer. That weighs heavy on my mind, especially as I inch closer to 40. I have those fears of not seeing them graduate college, getting married, meeting my grand kids. But all I can do is make the most of the life I have with them now and hope for the best in the future.
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  5. I was close to turning 33 when my son was born. I, like Sarah, can't get over my fears of getting hit by a bus tomorrow. Ever since my son was born, I worry daily that something will happen to me and that I won't be able to be here for him.
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  6. I am an older mom, had my son at 36 and my daughter at 43. i also have 2 grown step daughter with kids of their own.(total 8 step grandkids) I was actually pregnant the same time as one step daughter! My daughter was an Auntie before she was born. i have fears , yes but also such great joys!

  7. Thank you for sharing this post with us. You've prompted me to write a post on my feelings as an older mom.  I was close to 33 when Little One was born. There are so many things that can happen in life and nothing is certain.  I had a high risk pregnancy, my daughter was born at 28 weeks, should could have had so many disabilities, but emerged fine. I used to worry about the what ifs a lot. I still do. With me being close to 40 this December, the idea of mortality has been in the back of my mind. Will I be around for Little One's milestones, marriage, kids? Who knows. I can't help but think about those things sometimes and I worry about leaving her alone since she has no siblings. I'm trying daily to let go of the worry and just live in the moment. 

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